Lucy in the sky

I’m on my bed.
Eating salsa with a spoon.
That is, after all, the only contents in the fridge besides birthday cake and mayonnaise.

So…I am officially in my 20’s.
I was hoping things would be different. That somehow, things would magically change and the memories of last year would just wash away.
But, of course, it can’t be done in a day.
And the tears and arguing and pain once again returned within 24 hours.
Nothing has changed. And nothing will change until I get the right help.

That’s the problem though.
After meeting with psychiatrist after psychiatrist, my mind will not settle on any of their decisions.
I’m fighting against the labels, constantly in denial or too scared about the prejudice that may face me, changing my mind and manipulating these people – these people who could potentially turn my life around.

I don’t know what’s wrong. And truth be told, they don’t know either.
I just want to be rid of the feeling.
And I know that if my parents really listened and responded to my cries for help, the emotional support would be enough to lift me out of the hole that I am stuck in.
And perhaps even cure me.
I don’t believe that pills are more powerful that human love.
Thus, I wait. I wait until I am prescribed with love.

My parents are coming to see me tomorrow.
I’m surprised that they are, considering that they disowned my dirty mouth yesterday.
I’m not looking forward to it.
But I am looking forward to seeing my sister. Because even though she is brainwashed, I know that she likes seeing me. And I like seeing her.
Seeing how she is growing up, wearing ridiculous clothes that I never wore as an 11 year old.
I wonder how she will turn out. Hopefully, nothing like I did.

I’ve really neglected work this week.
Who am I kidding, I’ve neglected work since December.
So…I should probably go.

Sorry  that this has been a bit of a depressing post.

I’m thinking about writing an actual structured post about Autism (specifically aspergers) and the role it plays in my life. As well as the talents that come with it.
What do you think?






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